Rambling, Manifestos, Something.

To the Proxy who had the balls to show up at my new testing site for Slendersludge weaponry to take advantage of my hospitallity:

I would offer you your arm back but...well, it's kinda' all over the place.


Yeah when I said I was gonna' make you go boom I was not just talking.

Yeah, I've just been in an utterly terrible mood as of late. When I'm this mood, any abillity to recognize what is socially acceptable just shuts down and it normally results in me being weepy, volitile, or having some fucked up sense of humor (Again Lis and Tia, so sorry for the one remark).

With the fall of Hope, Konaa MIA/KIA, and Blake getting snatched up, it's just...stressful

The killer is that I don't know any of these people personally, I mean I've talked to Elaine via e-mail and Lis once, but I've never met face-to-face with anyone.

And yet I find myself so emotionally invested.

And I don't care for that.

I've always been someone numb when comes to emotions and reading the emotions of others. An Asperger's thing I suppose. I mean hell, when I feel intense emotions they've physically harmed me on occasion. Sure I can act like I'm experiencing them, I'm a theatre major after all, but inside they are always at the bare minimum. But the last two and a half years, those intense ones just keep coming up.

But I just rambling off stuff now.

On to why there is a Proxy with a missing arm.

Over the last couple weeks I had resumed Slendersludge research (which I will probably post later), needless to say, I lied about it being on hiatus. Oldest trick in the book I know but I felt safer if certain enemies thought I had given up. I also moved my research to an abandonned building. I need some place bigger. I had spent most of my thanksgiving break holed up in there. All of the shit that went down was just too much for me. I needed to vent. So I went about trying to create some new shit to use. Last night, someone showed up saying they read my post and wanted shelter. Now given that I had not given this location up to anyone, this dumbass was trying to play me for a fool. I let him in anyway as soon as I closed the door he went at me with a knife. It was a little dark so I had trouble dodging and got a few slashes in the process. After knocking him back I went to the work table, flicked on the light and grabbed a crossbow I had bought recently.

It's funny, I can hold a crossbow steady but not a gun. Go figure.

And now I present to you my new weapon:

Slendersludge has the explosive power of a firecracker. Especially on impact. So I got the idea coating arrows with this stuff.

I fired the arrow off, as he charged towards me Since it was still dark, my aim was off so I think I got him in that fleshy inside of his left elbow. BOOM! His arm just ripped apart. The Proxy let out a shrill howl of pain and quickly passed out.

Unfortunatly for me I'm too much of a nice guy, and it was going to be a bitch to clean up, so I wrapped the wound up pretty tight and dumped the poor schmuck near a hospital. I saw a couple of guys who I assumed for his commrades pick him up as I drove away, so I'm assuming he is okay. Right?

I know it was probably a tad cruel but damn it I was just not in the mood to be fucked.

But to everyone who is suffering from the events of the last week, I wish there was something I could say but words just fail me.

Scratch that.

I'm going to try and word this the best that I can. So many of you have trying to make some sort of difference. Whether it's saving civilians from getting involved in this mess, trying to find answers, trying to make a refuge even if that means taking a risk and making a deal with devil, or even just surviving be it alone or in a group. Sure there have been sucesses and failures. Some of you have lost your sanity. For some, your freedom.

You've lost friends, family, the ones you love.

Some of you have even lost your lives in the process.

But dammit, you guys have done SOMETHING. You went out of there and decided at some point that you weren't just going to let him get. Even by running you were fighting him. Even when things seemed fruitless. There was just some hope that maybe someone could use your experiences and find some way to end this. At least that's what most of you do for me.

You give hope.

You give courage.

You give light.